


I was never the chosen one

by nishli



Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Isolation, Post Season 3, Regrets, a little bit of a character study, troll!jim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 08:48:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15748320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nishli/pseuds/nishli
Summary: Jim thinks abput his troll self and his new life. Personal thoughts and how he perceives the aftermath of his transformation





	I was never the chosen one

Since Jim’s condition did not allow him to pay phone bills, letters were the agreed form of communication between the three friends. We’ll always write, Toby and Claire had said before they left for college. And they had kept their promise even though Jim had cut off the outside world almost entirely and never answered any of the letters.  
Blinky’s efforts to help Jim get accustomed to troll life had only partial success - the Trollhunter could survive in his new form but he still felt out of place in the new Trollmarket and had made it clear that he preferred living alone to being always reminded of his half-human half-troll, has-no-place-to-belong nature. The bittersweet memories of his human days occasionally brought him to despair and longing to return to his old habits. It never mattered how many days, months or even years had passed – Jim was never going to feel that new body his home.  
In their last letter Toby and Claire were describing their college life – the friends they made, the parties they went to, and in general how happy they were. Jim was happy for them but at the same time he couldn’t stop himself from being jealous. He was never going to college, fuck college, he was never going to lead a normal human life again.  
Calm down, Jimbo. You knew the risk and you knew this was the only option. You can’t attend college but the whole world can because of you, he tried to reassure himself.  
However, by the end of the letter the Trollhunter had teared up and knowing he couldn’t keep it in any longer he just let it all out.  
A tear smudged the last line of the letter. Love you, Jim, it had said before it turned into a black mess. For once words corresponded to emotions. Toby and Claire had loved Jim and Jim was not that trollish mess.  
Jim wouldn’t get angry and break a pen, then a chair, then the whole desk. Jim would go to college, Jim would go to the beach every summer, Jim would live in a quiet neighborhood and not in the middle of nowhere.  
The Trollhunter wasn’t Jim even though everyone else he was. The Trollhunter was an abomination, a monstrosity.  
Jim was the chosen one. The Trollhunter was the cursed one.  
He was scared of his anger. It was completely irrational. Or was it? The possibility of his anger being reasonable scared him even more. He had chosen that life, no, that existence and back then he knew there was no other choice – it was him or the world. And he had gladly given up on sunlight and food and life in order to win the fight for the world and looking back he knew he would do it again.  
But he had never asked why him. Why he had to sacrifice everything he knew? Why he had to take the mantle of the Trollhunter in the first place? What had been so special about him? No, he reminded himself, what had been so special about Jim?  
Yes, he had been human and that literally made him more suited to command daylight than any troll ever. But besides that – Jim had been an ordinary human, nothing special under the sun, brave heart or not. And as his humanity hadn’t been enough to defeat Gunmar so why had the amulet chosen Jim? Too many questions and no apparent answer.  
The Trollhunter sighed and sat on the floor. Breaking hald the room wasn’t going to help him live with himself. The questions beginning with Why were burning his mind and there was nothing he could do stop them.  
If only Merlin had stayed long enough to find a way to ease the pain he was in. The Trollhunter knew what he had signed up for but a little help like removing the armor and granting him a little piece of mind was not so much to ask for. Unfortunately the wizard had vanished as soon as he had his magic back, leaving everything behind.  
And that was it. End of the tale – the wizard vanished and the hero suffered. There was nothing to be done.  
The Trollhunter got up and took the letter and then burned it like he had done with every letter before it. They were notes to Jim and Jim could not reply simply cuz’ he didn’t exist anymore. The Trollhunter wanted to be Jim and Jim had never wanted to be the Trollhunter.  
I’m not your chosen one, Merlin, the Trollhunter said to the burning letter and then he went out in the morning sun to feel the daylight he once commanded.  
I’m the cursed one, the Trollhunter to his burning flesh before he went back in the shadows.


End file.
